Psychology: breadcrumbing, part0

Self-tutoring about relationships: the tutor mentions a key feature of today’s landscape.

I had a different idea for today’s post, until I stumbled upon this article about breadcrumbing. (It seems to be by Amy Beecham, from Stylist.)

I knew at once what said article would be about, so smiled broadly. Finally, I thought, this dishonesty and corruption is classified: Perhaps the breadcrumbers will be identified and sidelined. Next, I imagined the smiling face of a great breadcrumber I knew decades ago, in high school: I’ll call her Y. She was the first, and best, breadcrumber, even to this day, I’ve known. (?Congratulations?)

I met Y almost immediately upon arriving on the west coast. I hadn’t experienced breadcrumbing on the Atlantic Coast, which I’m sure she could tell. Somewhat ironically, though, because I didn’t understand breadcrumbing, I didn’t follow her path very far; I wasn’t willing to change for her. She was surrounded by people who would: she had an intoxicating personality (which I realize was carefully cultivated). Y and I went nowhere. Nonetheless, I knew a few boys whose teenage years were ravaged by their love for her.

I heard Y had just been through her parents’ very messy divorce. On the Atlantic Coast, back in the late 80s, divorce was still rare. I hadn’t met many children of it, so was unaware of the psychological weapons they would likely possess, developed from coping with their parents’ fighting. Y was battle-hardened, and an effortless liar. Yet, I heard that, in middle school, Y had been an ordinary kid. One can only wonder what she witnessed to turn her into the Y I would meet.

Anyway, there it was: Y was a very accomplished breadcrumber at age 16. Therefore, though I didn’t call it “breadcrumbing,” I learned of that style of manipulation from her. She was ahead of her time: today, it seems ubiquitous.

Back in the 70s and 80s, the art of breadcrumbing seemed to be dominated by women. However, since the 90s, men apparently have caught up. I’ve a colleague who will sometimes discuss their struggles with their professional team. In their case, the men seem equally accomplished at breadcrumbing – better, really. Moreover, they smile better. (Who’d have thought?) The wattage of a smile can really spotlight a breadcrumber.

I’ve much more to say about this fascinating topic. I guess, in that way, the breadcrumbers have left me something to chew on. No doubt, they’d try to repossess it if they could find a way:)