Psychology: Valentine’s Day

Self-tutoring about relationships: the tutor reaches far back as he reflects about Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day can be surrounded with expectation, or hopelessness. It can sort people by whether they’re in a position to enjoy its meaning. Some people look forward to an incredible, romantic evening. For others, Valentine’s Day amplifies the fact they’re hopelessly out of luck when it comes to love. Whichever camp you’re in – you’re not alone.

Thirty years ago today, my first serious girlfriend broke up with me on the phone. I’m sure she would have done so by text or social media, but we didn’t have those then. At the time, it hurt, but was for the best, of course.

Because of its focus on relationship, Valentine’s Day gives a snapshot of where you are in life, and how the world is changing around you. Thirty years ago the world around me was changing, because expectations on me were. Yet, I wasn’t changing accordingly. My girlfriend of the time had to break up with me, because she didn’t want to get left behind. Instead, she wanted to change the same way the larger world was, to “stay with the pack.”

Here’s what I think I know, 30 years later: Human beings aren’t loners, by nature; they live in groups. Therefore, fitting in is very important to most, because they want membership in the group. If their significant other hinders their ability to fit in, they’ll break it off, as a matter of instinct.

People who fit in really well may never spend a Valentine’s Day alone. We all know such people. They may change partners often, but they’re always with someone. Being with such a person means you fit in too, by association. No wonder such people are so popular.

I’ve never fit in well, so I got better-dealt. It happens all the time. There’s always a better deal, somewhere….

Whichever camp you’re in, best of luck on Valentine’s Day, 2020:)

Jack of Oracle Tutoring by Jack and Diane, Campbell River, BC.